Book Review: Life is in the Transitions by Bruce Feiler

The last two books I read had nothing to do with finance, so I thought I would go through my notes of a book I previously read and enjoyed. I read this one at the end of 2022 and really enjoyed it. 

I really enjoyed how Feiler presented real world examples and life stories. I think it helps drive home the points that he made around transitions. 

Book notes - not in order

• Life is the story you tell yourself. How you tell the story - a hero, victim, lover, warrior, caretaker, believer, etc. - matters a great deal. How you adapt that story - revise, rethink, and rewrite as things change, go sideways, go wrong - matters more.

  • I use the term personal narrative whenever I have described this concept to others. 

• Children who know that lives take different shapes are much better equipped to face life’s inevitable disruptions. 

• We have been led to believe that we are always ascending or progressing. The reality is that we oscillate instead. Our experience is full of slip-ups and setbacks. 

• Life is full of “disruptors”

  • An event or experience that interrupts the everyday flow of life. 

  • Life is full of disruptions, both big and small. 

  • Some are planned, most are not. 

  • Not all are bad. 

  • The author gives several examples and splits them into various categories. 

• On average you can expect a disruption once every 12-18 months as an adult.

  • This is over 30 in a lifetime. 

• We have been taught to think that we must “bounce back” from these disruptions. That may happen, but often we move in a new direction. 

• The most disruptive are Life Quakes. 

  • These are blunt, more explosive and often very messy.

  • These are the big curveballs or the once in a hundred year floods.

  • You usually go through three to five in a lifetime. 

  • They tend to force us into a crisis. 

• Ingredients to a fulfilling life - the ABCs. The author goes into detail for each of the following. 

  • A - Agency. The autonomy, freedom, creativity, mastery; the belief that you can impact the world around you. 

  • B - Belonging. Relationships, community, friends, family; this is the people who surround you and nurture you.

  • C - Cause. A calling, mission, direction, purpose; a commitment beyond yourself that makes life worthwhile. 

• These ingredients can be broken down into our story/narrative:

  • A - Me story. Our personal story where we are the (insert) and where we exert control. 

  • B - We story. We are part of a larger group (family, community, team, etc). 

  • C - Thee story. We are serving an idea, faith, cause; we give ourselves to others and feel part of something larger than us. 

• Transitions

  • As we go through a disruption, we choose to convert change and upheaval into a transition and potential renewal. 

  • These are not simple, smooth or predictable. They are not straight ahead or linear. 

  • These are vital periods that help us find meaning after a disruptor. 

  • Our challenge with transitions is not how long they take, but how long we expect them to take.

• 3 phases of a transition. Much more detail is in the book. He also gives a template on how to help you navigate a transition. 

  • 1) Long goodbye

  • 2) Messy middle

  • 3) New beginning

• When experiencing a disruption and transition. There are different types of people we turn to. Below they are listed by what the people in the book listed as most valuable and by how they respond.

  • Comforter - I love you. I trust you. You can do this. 

  • Nudger - I love you, but have tried this. 

  • Slappers - I love you, but get over yourself.

  • Modelers - you may not know me, but follow my lead. 

  • Naysayers - You are a fool. You won’t succeed. 

Relatable quotes from the book

• You don’t have to suffer to learn, but if you don’t learn from your suffering… then your life becomes truly meaningless.

• Transitions take longer than we think, but not longer than we need - and not forever, either. 

• Life is nonlinear. Fighting it doesn’t help us accept it. 

Closing Thoughts

When the waters in your life are calm, this book reminds you that a disruptor is around the corner waiting for you. And when things are chaotic, this book reminds you that you are not alone amidst the turmoil. 

The real life examples speak to me and remind me that I am not the only one who will go through disruptions. I really like how it provides some common language for life events. As well, I appreciate how much data the author provides for each of the various life quakes and transitions. I would recommend this book. 

Thanks for reading. Have you read this book or one similar? Let me know. 

Dean