Book review: The Comfort Crisis
I had this one on my reading list after hearing about it on The Peter Attia Drive Podcast. It was a nice read for me and I managed to finish the book in a couple of weeks. It crystalized many of the concepts that I have been unable to articulate. Mathieu mentioned the book in his motivational quotes post over at Stocks and Stones.
I did my best to group my notes together, but you should probably just read the book yourself if you are interested.
Modern Lifestyle
We are living longer thanks to modern medicine, although we are mainly living longer with disease.
Life span is up, health span is down or flat.
As we have progressed as a species, we live progressively sheltered, sterile, temperature-controlled, overfed, underchallenged, safety-netted lives.
An example provided: “I awoke in a soft bed in a temperature-controlled home. I commuted to work in a pickup with all the conveniences of a luxury sedan. I killed any semblance of boredom with my smartphone. I sat in an ergonomic desk chair staring at a screen all day, working with my mind and not my body. When I arrived home from work, I filled my face with no-effort, highly caloric foods that came from Lord knows where. Then I plopped down on my overstuffed sofa to binge on television streamed down from outer space. I rarely, if ever, felt the sensation of discomfort. The most physically uncomfortable thing I did, exercise, was executed inside an air-conditioned building as I watched cable news channels that are increasingly bent on confirming my worldview rather than challenging it. I wouldn’t run outside unless the conditions were, well, comfortable. Neither too hot, too cold, nor too wet.”
We don’t have to deal with discomforts like working for our food, moving hard and heavy each day, feeling deep hunger, and being exposed to the elements. But we do have to deal with the side effects of our comfort: long-term physical and mental health problems.
Boredom is dead. We spend more time than ever connected or “plugged in”. Even if we aren’t on our phones, we drop everything once we get a notification.
We lack physical struggles, like having to work hard physically for our livelihoods (this is not the case for everyone obviously). We have too many ways to numb out, like comfort food, cigarettes, alcohol, pills, smartphones, and TV. We’re detached from the things that make us feel happy and alive, like connection, being in the natural world, effort, and perseverance.
When a new comfort is introduced, we adapt to it and our old comforts become unacceptable. Today’s comfort is tomorrow’s discomfort. This leads to a new level of what’s considered comfortable.
If you didn’t grow up with air conditioning and now have it as an adult, good luck getting rid of it easily. For me, this would be a car with command start. I don’t care if it only has two working gears and no reverse, IT MUST HAVE COMMAND START.
Building capacity to be alone may be just as important for you as forging good relationships.
This would not apply to being physically alone and spending time on social media.
Modern Misogi
This concept originated in Japan and has been modified for a hard brain, body and spirit reboot. It’s about pushing your limits (in a safe but extremely challenging way).
Some examples provided in the book were stand-up paddleboarding for 25 miles and two people taking turns carrying a rock on the ocean floor 10 to 20 yards at a time for five hours.
The two rules provided in the book are: “Rule number one is that it has to be really fucking hard. Rule number two is that you can’t die.”
People seem to be at their best physically and mentally after they experience some discomforts.
Being completely overwhelmed and surrounded by negative things wasn’t good. But it also shows that being sheltered isn’t optimal.
A study conducted by Mark Sheery, PhD found People who faces some adversity (not trauma) reported better well-being over several years of the study. They had higher life satisfaction, fewer psychological and physical symptoms. Less likely to prescription painkillers, used less healthcare services and less likely to report their employment status as disabled. The conclusion that facing some challenges, but not an overwhelming amount helped people develop capacity to deal with stress.
Misogi has three key elements.
Separation from the modern world.
Transition into the challenging middle ground where they push themselves beyond what they though was possible.
Incorporation when you re-enter your normal life, an improved version of yourself.
Failure and Trying New Things
Failure today is not the same as failure in the pre-industrialized era. Due to us relying on being part of a tribe to survive, we viewed our biggest risk as being kicked out of the tribe due to some sort of failure. Today, we still overestimate the impact of failure. For example, failure today is getting a dirty look from your boss because you missed something on a PowerPoint presentation.
I am somewhat mixed on this. It does seem like we accept failure more to me, but that could be just the circles I run in.
Trying something new is ok. But if you are just seeking the next thing to keep you stimulated, then you will just add another thing that may limit you. Maybe try removing things that are limiting you rather than chasing new things.
I am not sure I properly understood this point. I am thinking that it means to try new things so frequently while not properly investing in the fundamental things for personal health.
Parenting
Helicopter parenting was identified in the 1990s. It seemed to revolve around the fear of kidnapping. The more extreme version today is “snow plow parenting” where parents violently force any and all obstacles our of their child’s path.
So I have some personal anecdotes here…. my son (13) has brough some school friends’ over and most do not do regular household chores like taking out the garbage or vacuuming. And none of his friends cut the lawn at home.
My Thoughts
I’m not sure if I will ever do something intense enough to be called “Misogi”. But I can confirm that being pushed to my limits and coming out the other end has made me better. I have a few examples:
One job I took in my corporate life was way above my skillset. It pushed me and I didn’t have any strong mentors at the time. I was younger and I had a big ego that got in the way of me asking for help. I essentially fumbled for 5 or 6 months before getting my feet under me. Once I managed to start succeeding in the role, I grew more confident in myself and was quick to dismiss things that weren’t adding value. I knew I always had my trades to fall back on so I knew I “wouldn’t die”, but this challenge helped me perform better and ultimately led to another promotion.
Another is doing my first powerlifting competition. I was not part of the community at the time and was really going in by myself. I was not a great athlete as a kid, so I did not have the opportunity to push myself in front of a group of strangers like you do on the platform. I was so nervous at that first meet so many years ago. Of course, the rest is history.
Needing to experience discomfort to grow is not a new concept. It has been mentioned in many books about personal development. I think the focus on getting outside and testing yourself is not something we discuss often.
As for the lifestyle and parenting thing, I have some anecdotes from real life that seem to articulate how we have changed.
Last summer I took my son (13) for a long walk around a newly redeveloped part of he city. It had really nice walking trails, a manmade creek with some bridges and some specific landmarks to the area. They even had a hill will some information about the original neighborhood and why it was designed a certain way (former housing for those serving in the military). The weather was perfect, the landscaping was well maintained and we had no schedule. I noticed over 90% of the people walking were on their phones. I can count on one hand the number of people who said “hi” or were actually enjoying the scenery.
Recently this same son went over to a friend’s house. I asked him if he had fun and I got a “yeah, I guess.” That’s code for not really. He said that they were playing video games together and taking turns on a new game (I think it was a Zelda game, but don’t quote me on that). He said that usually while one person is playing, the others are talking or being social or watching and commenting on the game play together. This time, as soon as it wasn’t their turn on the video game, the other kids brought out their cell phones. This was new for my son and he felt a little forgotten. It doesn’t help that he doesn’t have a smart phone, only an old flip phone.
Getting out of our comfort zones isn’t easy. For those that manage to do it regularly, I applaud you.
Have you read this book? Or have any thoughts? Let me know in the comments.
Thanks for reading.
Dean
Haven’t read it, but will put it on the list!