Real Life Examples of Being a Full Time Investor

A light hearted post on talking to normies

Now that we are have all become tariff experts, I decided to try and lighten the mood a tad. I thought it would be funny to give everyone some real life examples of how people respond when I tell them that I am a full time investor. I am positive that whether you’re new to full time investing, thinking about becoming a full time investor or even spend much of your free time in the investing world, you have likely had some similar experiences. These are just my experiences.

Non finance person

Them: What do you do for work?

Me: I’m a private investor. I invest in small public companies.

Them: Puzzled look followed by awkward silence for 3-5 seconds

Me: I’m unemployed and live in my mom’s basement.

Them: yeah makes sense.

Crypto Investor

Them: What do you do for work?

Me: I’m a private investor. I invest in small public companies.

Them: Wow cool. I own some bitcoin/dogecoin/random-crypto-thing. It’s gonna moon cuz fiat something/government spending/Trump/lithium/AI/end-of-the-world/vernal equinox/etc.

Me: Wow that’s cool. How did you decide that was a good investment?

Them: (random) influencer/redditor said so.

Me: Good for you. I hope you make lots of money.

Them: **2-3 minute incoherent discussion with the odd finance term thrown in.**

Me: Neato. Excuse me, I’m gonna go grab a beer/coffee.

Public Market Tourist

Them: What do you do for work?

Me: I’m a private investor. I invest in small public companies.

Them: Oh like NVDA/PLTR/TSLA/MSTR/etc.?

Me: No, much smaller. You probably never heard of them.

Them: (Insert random reason) why their stock will go up 5-10x in the next year cuz fiat something/government spending/Trump/AI/end-of-the-world/vernal equinox/etc.

Me: Really cool. I hope you make lots of money.

Friend of Public Market Tourist

Them: What do you do for work?

Me: I’m a private investor. I invest in small public companies.

Them: I had a friend who did that. He/she made a bunch of money on GMC/ACB/AMC/TSLA/lithium/crypto/etc.

Me: Wow that’s cool. Are they still investing? What do they do now?

Them: No they lost most/all of it. Still work at Tim Hortons/McDonald’s/random low wage job.

Me: Oh that’s too bad. Well I wish them luck in the future. Hopefully this doesn’t scare him/her away from the public markets for the long term.

Real Estate Person

Them: What do you do for work?

Me: I’m a private investor. I invest in small public companies.

Them: What? Stocks? Those are really risky. You need to be careful. You’ll lose it all.

Me: Thanks for your concern. How do you approach investing?

Them: **Long story on why they are levered up to their eyeballs in Vancouver real estate**

Me: Neato. What do you think about risk with investments like that?

Them: Well it’s real assets, not like stocks. So I’m not worried.

Me: How much of your future return is based on cash flow of the assets vs. price appreciation.
Them: Well most aren’t built yet. And many can’t be used as short term rentals. So pretty much all price appreciation. But it’s fine cuz interest rates and such.

Me: Cool. I hope you make lots of money.

Leftist

Them: What do you do for work?

Me: I’m a private investor. I invest in small public companies.

Them: Oh. So you are in favor of these large corporations ruining the world, stealing from the poor and keeping the 1% rich.

Me: Actually, I made that up. I’m unemployed and live in my mom’s basement.

Them: ……

Me: Excuse me, I’m gonna go grab a beer/coffee.

Person who thinks investing is day trading

Them: What do you do for work?

Me: I’m a private investor. I invest in small public companies.

Them: I don’t understand. So you are like day trading in your pajamas all day? That sounds risky.

Me: It’s public companies, but I don’t trade. I usually hold companies for many years.

Them: So if you aren’t trading, what do you do all day?

Me: Well I spend some time maintaining research on the companies I already own. I maintain a list of companies I would buy under the right circumstances. And I dig into new companies that I may own in the future. Also have some hobbies like lifting, woodworking, eating, etc.

Them: Sounds boring.

Me: It is.

Person with rigid thinking on what constitutes “work”

Them: What do you do for work?

Me: I’m a private investor. I invest in small public companies.

Them: So you don’t “work”? You’re like retired?

Me: I work for myself. I consider my job to be maintaining my portfolio. I also have other interests that occupy my time.

Them: Yeah so you don’t “work” cuz you just sit at your desk and don’t have a boss.

Me: Actually, I’m unemployed.

Them: Makes sense.

Well meaning person who can’t/won’t put in the work

Them: What do you do for work?

Me: I’m a private investor. I invest in small public companies.

Them: So you don’t have a “job”? You just do everything from home? What does your day look like?

Me: Well if I have my kids I get them off to school, then I get to work. If I don’t have the kids, I roll out of bed, grab a coffee and start work. Most days I wear pajama pants and slippers. Oh, and I work out in my home gym almost everyday. It’s boring, but I have my freedom.

Them: That’s crazy. Sounds neat. How did you do that? Where do you get your ideas from? How would you start that today?

Me: Well I have a substack where I write about it. I also remember how intimidating it all was for me so I’m an open book with almost everything. If you are interested you can go read my stuff or message me and we will meet for coffee/beer.

Them: Wow that’s great. I’ll be sure to do that.

**I never hear from them again.**

Academic (or very academically influenced person)

Them: What do you do for work?

Me: I’m a private investor. I invest in small public companies.

Them: Oh like Microsoft or Amazon.

Me: Not really. These are small companies. You probably never heard of them.

Them: Interesting. What did you take in university?

Me: Didn’t go to university. Went to trade school.

Them: ????? You should just buy ETFs like me. You can’t compete with all the analysts. Plus (something macro) will be good/bad.

Me: Thanks. I hope your ETFs make you lots of money.

Dividend Investor

Them: What do you do for work?

Me: I’m a private investor. I invest in small public companies.

Them: Oh I also invest. But only in dividend paying companies. Do any of yours pay dividends?

Me: Some do. But most don’t. I don’t intentionally seek out dividend paying companies.

Them: That’s crazy. You are taking so much risk. You should be careful and buy (random dividend stock).

Me: Thanks for your concern. What made you decide to purchase only dividend companies?

Them: **3-5 minute mental gymnastics rant on why dividend paying companies are the BEST POSSIBLE WAY to grow capital. AND ALL OTHER FORMS OF INVESTING ARE INFERIOR.**

Me: Wow that’s awesome. I hope you make lots of money.

Random service worker

Them: Hi. What can I get you?

Me: I’m a private investor. I invest in small public companies.

Them: Sir. This is a Wendy’s.

Me: Sorry. It’s been a long day.

Them: No problem. Also bitcoin is gonna moon.

Me: I’ll just have a diet coke.

Dad

Dad: How is work going?

Me: It was going pretty good. But I quit to be a full time investor.

Dad: WHAT?? Let me get this straight. You left a well paying full time job with pension and benefits to pick stocks or whatever it is you do?

Me: Correct.

Dad: That seems really dumb.

Me: Maybe. Can I borrow $20? (I’m just trolling him at this point).

Dad: Is there something wrong with your back? Go do some work.

Gym Friend (around age 30)

Them: What do you do for work?

Me: I’m a private investor. I invest in small public companies.

Them: Like stocks and stuff?

Me: Yes.

Them: Alright. Sounds kind of weird. How is training going?

Me: Pretty good. Lifting over 40 has lots of aches though.

Them: Yeah, I bet. I don’t think I’ll lift when I’m old like you.

Me: Gee thanks. Also sumo is cheating and you know it.

Them: Yes Dean. Sumo is cheating.

Closing Thoughts

I am sure all full time investors have some variation of the above examples and conversations. I try to take them with a grain of salt and, at times, I just bypass them all together. I, like most people, love a good story so please feel free to share your experiences or any interesting conversations you’ve had. Feel free to leave them in the comments section or to message me directly.

And as always, thanks for reading my work. I look forward to hearing from you.

Dean